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Sexual fantasies are a mental image that we create of situations that produce sexual excitement or some type of pleasurable sensation. These could be from past experiences or simply created by your imagination.
Fantasies have been stigmatized, punished and directly related to pornography. And yes, what we see in pornography could represent the repressed desires of many, but it is also very far from the sexual desires of many people in real life.
The most important sexual organ in the body is the brain. This is why fantasizing is almost inevitable. It is estimated that 99% of human beings have sexual fantasies throughout their lives and the context of these images can change. Younger people tend to fantasize about more traditional or passionate scenarios, while later, when there is a certain maturity and sexual freedom, people (or couples) seek to break with the routine of sex. relationship and begin flirting with non-monogamous sexual events, multiple sex, or novelties.
Why do we fantasize?
We fantasize to escape reality, to feel excited, to block distractions during sex, to fill certain sexual voids, to feel sexually safe or also, although it is not the most common reason, when we seek to achieve excitement in cases in which You are not romantically or physically attracted to the person you are having sex with.
What are the reasons why you are interested in acting on sexual fantasies?
Each person has individual reasons to accept that, even when these thoughts cause pleasurable sensations, they do not want to bring these acts to reality. This may be because it is physically impossible, it is illegal, it is inconsistent with our moral or religious values, it may be dangerous or simply because they are not interested, period.
The most common sexual fantasies
We rarely fantasize about traditional or conventional scenarios because that’s what fantasies are about, getting out of reality.
1. Multiple sex: the illusion of having sex with three or more people is the most popular.
2. BDSM: is a term created to cover a group of erotic practices whose acronym means: Bondage; Discipline and Domination; Submission and Sadism; and Masochism. These are usually associated with fantasies that incorporate restraints, restrictive elements such as ropes, handcuffs, blindfolds or also where there is some role of power.
3. Sex with a different person to your partner or stranger.
4. Novel or adventurous activities: Those that allow you to do something that has not been put into practice before. These can be having sex in public spaces, watching pornography with your partner, incorporating sex toys, or unexpected sex.
5. Anal sex: Partly due to the taboo that still persists in our society, anal sex continues to be one of the most common in surveys and is not exclusive to a particular gender. Heterosexual men and women often develop them frequently.
6. Sexual massage: The eroticism, passion and romance behind the action makes massages with “happy endings” a very popular fantasy.
Tips to help you break the ice and start the conversation
Although we don’t always want to bring our most erotic dreams to reality, on many occasions we do. Integrate new practices, experiences and personalities into the sexual relations They can be the necessary ingredient to keep passion alive, especially in long-term relationships.
Routine, monotony and lack of creativity are the enemies of a pleasurable sex life. So, if we want to continue or enjoy sex again with the person we love, giving it a little spice can help them.
1. Go little by little. These conversations may be sensitive for some people. It is important that in the relationship there is an atmosphere of trust and intimacy that contributes to a healthy conversation.
2. Think first about how you are going to present the idea, so that your partner feels validated at all times and knows that their role in the new desired experience is an integral part. You can observe how they react when they see a sexual scene in a novel or movie. If you see that she is feeling comfortable, approaching you, or showing some excitement, it can help you decide what idea to communicate to her.
3. Don’t push your chest. Start with the sexual fantasies that you think your partner would be most willing to share with you based on what you know about him or her. Remember that both must consent and enjoy the act. This is about both and not just one.
4. Choose the time and place carefully. “Timing” is everything. Both should be in a good state of mind, without interruptions and without pressure. This is a conversation that should have the purpose of getting to know each other better and being able to healthily communicate what they want.
5. If your partner acceptsit is necessary that the agreements, the limits of each one be clearly defined and that they be respected at all times.
6. Listen carefully to your partner’s response. You should know that maybe you are not going to get a yes from them and you should accept that. But, regardless of a positive or negative answer, this is an opportunity to continue asking the necessary questions that help you understand why not or why yes.
These types of conversations can be uncomfortable for many couples who are not used to talking about sex. Through self-knowledge and good communication we can raise the quality of our sexual relationships and begin a new sexual facet even if we have been in a relationship for many years.
Being able to share and communicate our intimacies without feeling judged allows us to develop an openness and trust that strengthens the relationship. Talking openly about these intimacies can serve as fuel for sexual relations without even touching.
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Josie Edmee is a sexuality educator. You can follow her on the social network Facebook: Josie Edmee – Sexuality and CouplesInstagram: @josieedmee and on the website: www.elsexosentido.com.
The information provided by the sex educator does not replace the recommendation of a medical professional. It is important that if you experience any health symptoms, you consult your doctor. There is no confidentiality agreement between the sex educator, GFR Media and the person completing the form. Sending your doubt or question does not guarantee that it will be selected for the sex educator to answer. GFR Media is not responsible or liable for any damages or situations that may arise from the publication. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless GFR Media for any damages or incidents following publication. You agree that your submission may be published in digital and print media, even if your first and last name are not published.
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